A Paradox (or 2 posts for the price of one)

18Apr06

I really like my job.

I do. I haven’t really liked my job in a long time. But as I returned this morning from spring break (the glorious, the marvelous, the wonderful) I was struck by an overwhelming sense of “I like my job, I really like my job”! This is significant for a couple reasons…. 1. Well, I’m writing this “offline”, because our T1 line is down, so I should be stressed or anxious, but I’m not. It will get fixed. All will be well. 2. I’m presently working (essentially) 2 full-time jobs. My original job of IT Specialist (I prefer IT Artist, actually) and Bible Teacher after the departure of our dearly beloved Pastor Marshall. I’ve been doing both since the begining of March…. and its frying me up, just a loads and loads of work. I’ll be really glad to return to my original job. But even in the midst, I really like my job.

I love being able to influence the lives of students for the Kingdom. I love working with passionate colleagues who care deeply about the education and spiritual formation of children and youth (K-12, and beyond). I love rubbing shoulders with folks from all different traditions in the church.

And at the same time…..

Stress.

I feel like I’m not handling stress well. I’m eating too much and drinking caffeine to cope with stress. Its not stress about one particular thing. Like I said, I really like my job. Sure there are stressors – the 55 hour weeks (the consequence of IT and Bible responsibilities) and the 30 minute commute. But no ONE thing that is causing me stress. Its just the accumulation of stuff…

Chad’s Death
Palmer’s Death
LeTreat
Via Christi
Sunday Morning Worship
Via Crucis
Easter
Baby Dedication
Peace and Justice Dinner
Fuller Classes I need to take
Basement refinishing
Yard Work
Teaching Cisco
Teaching Bible 10 – New Testament
Teaching – Bible Applications 2
Computer problems
Cisco Training
Summer Camp classes
Presbyterian Transformation conference
Regional Vineyard Conference
Grades
Grading
Paperwork
etc.
etc.
etc.

None of these are huge in and of themselves – none of them are even “bad” (well the first two ain’t so great!), its just the build up. I think it is wearing on me. I feel weary. Its weird, tho. Because I feel weary and good at the exact same time. I’m weary and somewhat short-fused and emotionally raw …. my deep apologies to those who I have “inked” and “oozed” this on (Sarah and VC folk in particular) AND I feel hopeful, excited about the future, eager to see what God is doing and to be part of it. I’m spent and ready for more at the exact same time.

My biggest frustration is how I’m handling stress. I’m not running and I’m overeating and eating poorly. I’m making bad time decisions that are born out of a desire to please people and seek my value from others and what I accomplish (rather than resting in my belovedness of God, my sonship). I’m allowing stress to push and control. I want to break this habit and, well, honestly – addiction – but it feels insurmountable at times. I guess admitting it is the first step….

Lordhavemercy+Christhavemercy+Lordhavemercy

on me.

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